Your “constant person” may not be who they seem

Earlier this week, I had a conversation with some friends about building relationships these days and how fleeting a lot of them seem. The fact that there are people who think that something still shallow is already a deep connection saddens and bothers us.

“They always say that people are their ‘constants’ just because they shared a connection. Even if it’s just for a short period of time,” a friend said, non-verbatim. To which I responded, “Why? Do they already know each other’s favorite color and hopes and dreams?”

The term “constant” is commonly used on social media to depict one’s relationship with friends, potential partners, and significant others. As Urban Dictionary explains, it’s the person who you consider as your best friend—the person you can tell everything to, who you can count on.

Another conversation that stood out to me was with an intern. We were talking about friendship breakups and how it’s needed, even when someone has been your best pal for years. What we ultimately agreed on is, like romantic relationships, you just realize that things don’t just work out. You might even come to terms with the fact that you only have a connection with someone because of a common interest—outside of that, you’ll question why you don’t feel as important to them even though you’re tight.

It’s like how Tom thought Summer was the one because she “likes the same bizarro crap you do.” It’s definitely easy to trust and set your eyes on someone when they have the same interests and mindset. We tend to create this perfect person based on our expectations and feelings. Social media is also a catalyst for making it seem like we know people more than we do—their virtual personas are acceptable, especially if they say something we want to hear.

What I’ve observed is that people appreciate the bare minimum acts seen on the outside, rather than someone’s deeper intentions and what makes them tick.It’s mostly surface level stuff—which goes back to what I said earlier about knowing something as simple as their favorite color, to something so important like their hopes and dreams for the future. People get swept off their feet easily, and then wonder why the connection felt fleeting.

So, ask yourself this: Are they your “constants” because of an unconditional bond you have, or because it’s convenient that you have someone to talk to about certain things?

I guess it’s time to re-evaluate our relationships and friendships from now on.

 

Art by Marian Hukom

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